Damn You Finals Week!

     I can keep up with a MWF schedule, but finals and doctor visits have me off again. Resuming shortly, probably next Wednesday. I'll do a double-post, or in lieu of that I'll make one long-winded post. A post of Tokien nature, if you would. The Faulknerian post of drinking, even - the first eight paragraphs will be retarded and lack punctuation. I feel I owe that to you.

     In other news, we began fermenting a blackberry wine. More news on that as it develops.

And now back to your regularly scheduled drinking.

     I'd just like to say thanks for putting up with that hiatus. The last week has been hectic, but just about everything I had to take care of was taken care of.

     Also, when I said I had to handle wedding stuff, I meant for my wedding, not that garbage the Brits were making a fuss over last week.

     To those who don't know, a few of us here down in the swamps have been working on a booze venture of our own. I'd like to show you what our first attempt is looking like these days.

     That's our baby. The pictures don't do her justice, but she's a clear red liquid. She's a melomel - a fruit-based mead - we've had sitting and conditioning since January. I'm not sure what it tastes like these days. We sampled the initial batch and I've been holding out for at least the six month mark before trying it again. Mead usually takes a year of conditioning at the earliest. It is a wine, after all, and the longer it sits the smoother it is.

     Now, on to the task at hand.

     I'd heard a lot of good about Macallan. One day I noticed that our local grocery store was carrying a 10-year version that fell within my price range, so I jumped on it. Most of the high-end Macallan scotches that I found ran well past the $1k mark, upwards to the $2.5k mark for their best. I've since begun keeping track of my student loan debt in terms of how many bottles I owe. I currently owe 12 bottles of scotch. Thinking of it that way is much less depressing.

     The first thing I noticed about the Macallan 10-year is the scent. If this stuff was made into an air freshener, I would hang it in my car and drive really, really carefully to avoid awkward conversations with the cops. It smells of fruit, fresh wood and alcohol. Absolutely fantastic.

Price: I picked up my bottle for about $35. It's pretty comparable to other single-barrel scotches.
Warm: I expected something a bit smoother, I guess, given the reputation. The taste is a little bit like wood and apples mixed with a harsh grain alcohol.
Chilled: The liquor's flavors fade out but that alcohol's harshness stays true. I'd recommend taking it room temp.
Mixed: ...are you kidding me? Who mixes a scotch? Put it on the rocks or with a little water, and the flavor erupts nicely on the tongue.
Rated: 7
     I would love to get my hands on a higher-quality version of this, perhaps a bottle of the 50-year if I can ever afford it. I'm sure it's amazing. The 10-year is quite enjoyable, but for the price I would recommend Chivas Regal or Johnny Walker unless you're looking for a traditional, legitimate scotch.

This week sucks.

     So, this week has been entirely filled with wedding details, moving one roommate out, moving a second roommate in, prepping for finals and working extra hours when possible.

     The blog will resume as normal on Monday. Sorry to the tens and tens of you who've been diligently keeping up. I've let myself get overwhelmed.

     Let me apologize by showing you this pic I found online via stumble. If you appreciate it, I'm sorry. You're a huge nerd and there is no hope for you. Also, I'll tip my glass to your nerditude.

 

    

A farewell.

     Today's post is a little different from my usual. For starters, I'm putting it up a day late. I also won't be rating any liquors.
      Danny, my younger brother, is moving out today. He's one of the four that came up with the Science chart, and has been helping with bottling in the small home-brewing venture Colin and myself are doing. Last night, a few of us got together to send the boy off the only way we know how.

         That's him in the back, swigging on rums and Coke. We stockpiled beer and tacos for the night, and proceeded to nerd it up.

     We're a bunch of geeks. I should probably mention that. We started out the night with drunken Gauntlet on Colin's X-Box until we were too drunk to mash buttons well. Afterward we switched over to drunken Unreal. Drunk fps games aren't as easy as you'd think they are. We gave up on that pretty quickly.

      For some reason, somebody thought drunken Magic: the Gathering would work out better. Hint: it doesn't. I was vaguely aware of what color I was playing. Colin won because that's just what Colin does. He's one of those guys who's good at everything for some damned reason.
     Eventually we quit on that and just kind of hung out.
     I took some blurry pics.

     I am the master of blurry photography. I could be a Bigfoot photographer with my skills.

Gather close to the fire, kids. I'm going to tell you a horror story now.

     Yes, everybody has a tequila nightmare tale. Everybody has done shots of this stuff once (and for most, only once). Everybody has seen the cornucopia of color that erupts when agave, tortilla and stomach lining intermingles. Few willfully keep down that road.

     DISCLAIMER: Tequilas were lumped into a category titled "Other" for our charting purposes. I recognize that tequila is a type of liquor with a rich variety of choices and many styles to sample. Our fear was that, if we gave tequila its own category, we might have to buy and drink more tequila, and weigh the merits of one tequila over another. We did with a few, but we're all a lot happier lumping it in with other assorted beasts like Jagermeister and Absinthe. Jose Cuervo Especial seemed like a solid starting point, as it is the most marketed tequila I'm familiar with.

Price: $13.99 - $19.99. We bought the Especial, which is closer to $20. Very affordable for the lush on a budget.
Warm: Surprisingly sweet. The flavor of agave nectar is pronounced, and the bite is strong.
Chilled: I found it tastes the same chilled as warm, which is odd for a liquor.
Mixed: The sweetness makes it an interesting mixer. I'd be lying if I said margaritas weren't enjoyable, and even Sprite and citrus juices work well with it.
Rated: 5
     As stated, we lumped it in with all of the other drinks we couldn't categorize easily. That 5 isn't because we think it's a middle of the road tequila. That 5 means that we consider Jose Cuervo is a middle of the road drink when compared to Kahlua, Bailey's Irish Cream, and Lucid Absinthe. If you can get Kahlua or Jose Cuervo, I'd suggest Kahlua. If you can get Lucid or Jose Cuervo, I'd say Jose.

If we decide one day to start up a tequila section, we'll revisit Jose Cuervo and make sure it gets a proper ranking amongst its own kind.

Ireland: We owe you one.

     Thank you, Emerald Isles. I cannot imagine the world without whiskey. Actually, scratch that. I can, and it's a terrible world. That world bereft of enjoyment; a world where sons and fathers never speak; a world where neighbors fight and orphanages burn. That world sucks.

     I'll admit, I'm more of a bourbon guy m'self, but Jameson Irish Whiskey is one of those drinks I'll gladly endorse. Any fan of whiskey should try an Irish whiskey at least once. It's good to get back to the roots of the things you love so much.

Price: Roughly $18.
Warm: The barley taste is incredibly smooth and clear with a crisp, clean bite.
Chilled: Some of the flavor is lost when chilled. I find that's a common issue with whiskeys.
Mixed: It blends quite well with citrus drinks. One of my favorite mixes for it is simply on the rocks with a twist of lemon.
Rated: 8
      The company claims that the triple distillation makes the drink so smooth. They're probably right. I'm not one to argue with professionals about their reasons. The only reason we didn't rate the drink higher is because of the price - there are some other tasty whiskeys and bourbons for a few bucks cheaper.

Bees have it so good.

     Seriously, there is no other animal on earth that vomits anything half as delicious as honey. There's weasel-puke coffee, sure, but that's a misnomer. The animal's more of a lemur if I recall correctly. The coffee's pretty good too, but it's no honey. Could you imagine if your reward for a night of binge drinking or intense stomach sickness was honey?

      If you've never had mead, you owe it to yourself to try it. Honey wine is amazing, and a few companies are breaking out into the market on a large scale. Sky River was one of the first brands I'd gotten my hands on, though I haven't seen their product in the usual stores lately. They offer a sweet and a dry product, and I'll cover the sweet wine since that's the first bottle I grabbed off my trophy shelf.

Price: About $20.
Warm: A smooth honey flavoring with a small bite and a light fruity aftertaste, probably due to the yeast they used. Mulling the mead makes it taste incredible.
Chilled: The flavor thickens a bit when chilled, and the bite vanishes completely. Some of the honey flavor is downplayed a little as well, but it becomes one of those drinks you forget is alcoholic.
Rated: 9
     Overall, we were all very pleased with both Sky River meads. I'll be the first to say that I do not like wine at all, but the few meads I've tried have been fantastic.

Bad Idea Bar # 1: The Jagermonster

     Welcome to the Bad Idea Bar. I'd like to tell you all a little tale, fairly boring and short, about a drink you should never, ever try. Not even for money. Not even if I hunted you down and threatened to kick your dog. Hold your ground on this. You do not want this drink.

     Conversely, you need to know how it's made so that you don't accidentally make it yourself. Think of it like mustard gas - you don't want to make it, but you need to know how it's made so you don't kill yourself on accident.

     The story starts when drinking with my buddy Dave. After a few rounds of whatever was in or on the fridge, we got to mixing shots together in honor of random crap we liked. Dave had just started reading Girl Genius, a webcomic I'd recommend at least checking out, and he thought we should make something to commemorate the ridiculous Jagermonsters. And thus, this beast was born:

The Jagermonster:
1 shot Jagermeister,
1 shot whiskey (ideally with honey infusion)
1 shot vodka

For proper drinking method, do not drink. Sincerely, do not drink. It is liquid death. But if you must for whatever reason, shoot it. Keep it chilled and get it down quick. Never, ever, ever shoot it warm. Ever. If you can imagine Vesuvius as your mouth and your floor tiles as Pompeii, then you can imagine the end result of a warm Jagermonster.

You've been warned.

If drinking this is wrong, I want to be right.

     I have an odd relationship with gin. I don't like it, but I have to buy a few bottles of it every year to appease the fiancee's cravings. Well, perhaps calling it an odd relationship is unfair. It's more adept to say that I periodically spend money on things I don't enjoy to make the woman I love happy. So...I have a typical relationship with gin, really.

     I don't like gin, but in the spirit of scientific understanding everybody has had a shot of it here and there. Seagram's extra dry is on the bottom of our gin list currently, mostly because we stick to the same two or three companies. I'm sure there is much, much worse out there than this, so we tried to be fair with judging the drink.

Price: Very affordable at ~$10.
Warm: Juniper tastes like grass to me, which is why I don't like gin. When warm, this tastes like a nosedive into a fresh-mowed lawn.
Cold: Like a fresh-mowed lawn in winter, with the last drops of autumn rain still lingering on the clippings.
Mixed: The drink plays fairly well with fruit juices. Screwdrivers made with it are quite drinkable, and martinis are passable as well.
Rated: 5
     Overall, we felt it deserved a mid-range rating. On its own merit, it is more drinkable than most bottom shelf brands making liquors I like, so there's that. I've had better gins, but I'm willing to believe that worse gins are hiding out amongst the shelves.

Remembering the terrible bootleg drinks of the 20's.

       The company claims they've been making spirits since 1929. I'm putting my bets down that this is bathtub gin in its original recipe. But hey, at least the bottle is cool.

     We've had more fun playing with the bottle than we did drinking the vodka, and that's a shame.

Price: Roughly $15. For comparison, most bad vodkas are $10, and letting a bag of potatoes rot in your tub is roughly $5.
Warm: I can not, in good conscience, advise drinking any vodka warm. That's just tomfoolery. This one burns in a bad way and tastes like Taaka.
Chilled: Chilling the drink helps. The taste and burn are that of any other cheap vodka, though it is slightly smoother than the bottom shelf options.
Mixed: This one mixes fairly well. I wouldn't recommend making a vodka martini with it, but cosmos and vodka screwdrivers aren't terrible concoctions when using Tommy Guns.
Rated: 4
      Did I mention that the bottle is cool? It totally is. I'm thinking about ripping the labels off of my bottle and filling it with some gray liquid. Otherwise, if you're getting a vodka at this price range you may as well go with Skyy.

If there's anything N'awlins folk know, it's inebriation. Flavor ranks a close second, though.

     This is the best thing my brother brought home since that one ex who got off on housework. The molasses used in making this drink give it a rich caramel taste. I'm not sure what exactly makes the spicing choices Cajun, but I'm willing to play along with their little games for now.

Price: Roughly $25. It's no Wild Irish Rose, but it won't break the bank.
Warm: I prefer this one at room temp. The caramel flavors shine, and the spices linger for a few seconds.
Chilled: Many of the spiced rums I've tried lost some taste when chilled, but this one simply switched priorities around. The spices perk up when cold and the sweetness falls in after.
Mixed: I haven't found a fruit juice or soft drink that this doesn't work for.
Rated: 10
     This is one of the rare few drinks given a (close enough to) perfect score. I won't say that this is what spiced rum should taste like, but I will say that it's a better choice than most other options under $30. If you get the chance to try it out, I highly recommend doing so.